It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
