made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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