i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
