good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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