OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
