I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
not ubering you a puppy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
