oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i dont even know how to be here
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
