I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
