I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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