Will you blow on my dice?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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