rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
