I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
