im six kinds of drunk right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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