i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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