there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
