we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize