I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
