why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
