The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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