True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
