Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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