I wish I only lived at night.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
