Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
