i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
