Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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