Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
