we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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