Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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