I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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