Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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