i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't deserve a penis
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
