my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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