You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
