I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
