highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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