If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
