im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
