I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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