Don't you send me to vm
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
