Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize