Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
