Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
