She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
