She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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