hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
