Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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