If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so let's talk penis.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
