I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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