today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
