Your mouth is God's brothel.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize