Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
