I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
