I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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