I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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