I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
