but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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