drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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