It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
