a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
