carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
