Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
