foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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