but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
