I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The uberlube is also flammable
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize