I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
