T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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