Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
