this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
