One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
