Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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