You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
