i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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