dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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