Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
