Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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