Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
