Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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