I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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