You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
