chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
