shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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