I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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