Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
