Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize