Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
