peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
