im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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