im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
