I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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