If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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